Salvador Danny Art

Scottish Poems

Highland Coo

The oldest known breed of things that go moo

Is the hardy, but gentle, long-horned Highland Coo

They come from the Highlands, that's easy to tell

But are often now found in the Andes as well

Their look can be fierce but this is quite deceptive

They're harmless and to being stroked they're receptive

Like many Scots they're in the ginger hair section

But unlike them worry not of their complexion!

And when that day comes that the Scottish sun blazes

The Highland Coo's fine, it just cracks on and grazes


If you're off camping then watch where you pitch

As midges may roam there - the thought makes me itch!

The plague of the locusts for the Scottish Highlands

If unprepared, then you'll want to change islands

The innocent male midge eats plants and nectar

The female is the one that's the blood collector

But don't think we're special, they like other blood

They'll nibble on sheep, deer and dogs in the mud

Just remember this fact when they drive you insane

That they're also bombarding Gus the Great Dane


If thistle had nipples then what they would do

Is squeeze out the sweet nectar named Irn-Bru

It was 1901 when the drink was created

And every day since it has been celebrated

Folk say if you're hanging, then Bru is the cure

It's magic like this that adds to its allure

The general consensus says drink it from glass

But sipping from tin doesn't strip the drinks class

And it's said only three people know how it's crafted

So they travel alone to prevent us being shafted


Us Scots like a party, especially a ceilidh

It's spelling is odd, but rhymes quite well with Hayley

Like Hayley and Bailey love a good ceilidh

The love them so much they wish they happened daily

In Scotland we learn all the dances at school

But forget them immediately because they're uncool

But when we attend now the moves come straight back

They're easy and, mixed with some drinks, they're good craic


Robert Burns spoke of haggis in a poem

And for making it ours lasting praise we bestow him

The savoury pudding containing sheep's pluck

Often leaves newbies completely dumbstruck

"The insides of sheep wrapped in slimy sheep guts?"

"I thought they were creatures that ate nuts in huts!"

There's nothing to say that this isn't the case

And have wee stump legs with which they like to race

I'd say if they are real they're bound to be fatties

With all that whisky sauce on their neeps and tatties


Our purple and green flower is very striking

And grew in our hearts when it upset a Viking

Us Scots were asleep while the Vikings would sneak

Up on our camp, but woke us with a shriek!

Imagine standing on a thousand sharp bristles

Now times that by ten and it's the same as one thistle

And that's what happened to one silly Norwegian

Who lost the battle for his unlucky legion

So when you're near thistles then always take care

And invest in some hardwearing, thick-soled footwear

Your bag is empty
Start shopping